I've been dating my boyfriend for about seven months now and we have a really nice relationship. It's just we have a hard time figuring out how to have sex. Or, more specifically, where. We both still live with our parents. They never leave the house and it's about four hours long-distance. We're exhausted from the drive by the time we meet up but still pretty horny since we don't get to see each other much. We're both pretty tall and can't exactly fit into the backseat of our (painfully) small cars. Our relationship is OK without sex but, it's still something we want to do. But at this rate I'm doubtful we'll even get the chance.
So much negativity! You're "doubtful" that you'll "even get a chance" to have sex? Where's your competitive fire? Where's your determination? I feel like you two need a locker-room pep talk — because this self-defeating negativity just won't do.

Winners never quit and quitters never get laid. You've got to put in the effort: Sex is 1 percent inspiration, 99 percent perspiration. If you can believe it, you can achieve it — in the backseat of your car.

You think it's always been easy for everyone else to get laid? You think everyone is issued a honeymoon suite and a box of condoms at the end of puberty? No, everyone is not. Since the beginning of time, horny humans have had to work hard to get off. They've had to overcome and circumvented a cavalcade of retrograde laws, societal stigmas, prejudice, chastity belts, phobias, nosy neighbors, annoying parents, and difficult-to-undo undergarments. For millennia, sneaking around and obsessively plotting exactly how to have sex has been the challenge — and half the fun.

You two need to huddle up and devise a game plan for how you're going to score. Get a hotel room, a tent, or a blanket. Find a campsite, a secluded forest, or an Airbnb. Every obstacle is an opportunity. As Michael Jordan once said, "Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

Now, get back out there and show some hustle.

So, I recently found out that my ex has a new girlfriend (she's his first girlfriend since we broke up). We have been broken up for three years and have remained friends, but we have not been in touch much over the last year or so. When I found out that he had a new girlfriend, naturally I was happy for him. He's my friend and a really good person, and they are great together. So why, even though I am in a relationship myself, am I suddenly having these feelings of jealousy? I was the one who broke up with him and have never had feelings for him since, which is why these new feelings of jealously are so confusing...
Everybody gets jealous for no good reason sometimes. I've had some similar pang of irrational jealousy at one point or another, with just about every ex I've ever had — even the ones who made me miserable, even the ones who made my skin crawl afterward. But the feeling passes.

Ego has something to do with it. We're all the stars of our own stories and we often can't help but see our exes as supporting cast members in our lifelong dramas. Whether we remember exes as averted disasters or ones that got away, we tend to see them as paths not taken — as reflections of ourselves. It's sometimes annoying to remember that they see us in the same way too, as frogs kissed, no matter how amazing we may be, and no matter who broke up with whom.

Frankly, I prefer thinking about how I had to date a lot of other people to find love, rather than dwelling on the fact that a lot of people had to kiss frogs like me to find love. I'm the star of my story. But I know I'm the punch line — or worse — in someone else's. That's just how it goes.

I'm sure it dredges up old, complicated feelings when you remember he's a good guy who did make you happy in some ways, but you know he wasn't right for you. Now he's found someone who is right for him, and that's fine. He's the leading man of his story; you're the star of yours. Don't try to star in someone else's movie.

My boyfriend is afraid to get married because he thinks I'll change after marriage. We've lived together for a year and a half, and we've already changed in that time, but it's been good change, like going back to school and getting better jobs. We've both changed our viewpoints on certain things. As far as looks, we've both gained a few pounds, but we aren't letting ourselves go. Is this excuse to not get married just a cop-out, or is this really something guys worry about? Does he have valid fears? I feel like in more than two years together and almost a year and half of living together, you should know someone enough to feel comfortable about getting married.
I don't have an easy answer for you. I don't think your boyfriend's worry about change is a cop-out or an empty excuse to avoid marriage. I think it's a valid worry that many guys have. It's something women worry about too. Everyone changes over the course of a marriage. Change is the natural state of the world. And marriage is a lifetime commitment. So it's tricky: How do you make a lifetime commitment when you can't predict what will happen, or who you'll be, in the future?

Some people make that commitment by ignoring reality: They romantically believe that everything is going to be totally different for them because they love each other so much. Sometimes, that works. But I wouldn't say that it's unromantic to acknowledge the fact that life is long and people change. In fact, there can be a certain sort of power in embracing it.

A few extra pounds, a new job, a new outlook: You're right, these are minor, predictable changes. But people deal with a whole order of more serious changes that can produce stress, even when they're positive — from a newborn baby and the stress of parenthood to a great job offer in a new city that leads to a long-distance relationship.

It can be scary to think that two people who say  "I do" will keep changing for decades after their vows.

I'm not going to pretend that I don't know plenty of couples who have grown apart over the years. It's a common — and, let's face it, scary — prospect. I think that's why it's important to marry someone you love right now as-is — and also someone who you trust to roll with the changes ahead. Nobody can ever guarantee that all change is going to be positive. Nobody can predict the future. But you can find someone you trust — and you can find someone who you think can adapt when things don't work out as planned. Getting married is, in this way, like placing a bet: You can't be sure what's going to happen. But you can choose to trust someone. You can choose to try.

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Logan Hill

Logan Hill, a veteran of New York, Vulture, and GQ, has spent twenty years covering the arts for outlets including Elle, Esquire, Rolling Stone, The New York Times, This American Life, TimesTalks, Wired, and others. For more, visit loganhill.com