After the robot revolution, these may be the only jobs left for human beings

As experts predict millions of jobs will be lost to robots in the coming decades, Michael Deacon wonders what paid work will be left for ordinary people...

 robot manufactured by China Aerospace Science and Technology Corporation performs
China International Industry Fair, Shanghai, China - 03 Nov 2015
What jobs will be left once our robot overlords take over? Credit: Photo: Rex

Employment figures are at a record high – but experts predict that the future will be less rosy. As technology and artificial intelligence advance, millions of jobs – both working-class and middle-class – could be lost, with man replaced by machine in what is already being called “the robot revolution”.

Still, it isn’t all doom and gloom. Here’s a list of jobs that will still be available to humans in the year 2050.

Hollywood movie villain

By 2050, Hollywood films will not only be made by robots but aimed at robot audiences. This will create exciting opportunities for human actors.

For example, in Terminator XXVIII: Rise of the Earthlings (2051), a brave young android is tasked with saving the world from an army of killer humans sent from the future to destroy robotkind. Leading the human rebellion is Barry, an 18-stone unemployed bus driver from Caerphilly whose powers include the ability to eat a foot-long meatball marinara from Subway in under nine seconds.

Bomb disposal

In the war zones of the future, robot generals will send human beings on to the battlefield to check for land mines and other unexploded devices.

“Previously, this highly dangerous work was carried out by bomb disposal robots,” explains Major-General Sir Optimus Prime. “Sending human beings instead will reduce the risk to robot life. We’ve lost too many good droids this way.”

Chess player

By 2050, all chess tournaments will end in a draw between every single robot on Earth. Humans will therefore be employed to give them someone to beat.

Robot butler

As in, a butler for a robot.

“The human being is the latest must-have labour-saving device,” says Which? magazine editor Copy-Rite 3000. “After a long, hard day, simply put your pneumatic feet up and relax while your carbon-based servant hoovers the floor and fetches your drinks.

“What better way to recharge your batteries? Other than by actually recharging your batteries.”

Supermarket check-out assistant

As robot trade unions protest against long working hours and demand better pay and conditions, robot bosses will start outsourcing menial jobs to human beings.

“Humans are reliable, efficient – and, most importantly for our shareholders, they’re cheap to run,” says supermarket chief executive Apple iProfit 6.0. “The starving woman on check-out four has agreed to work 23 hours a day in exchange for a family-size pack of Mars bars.”

Experts, however, have warned that the trend could catch on, with millions of traditional robot jobs being lost to living organisms in what is already being called “the human revolution”.