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Dearest you!
If you are someone going though depression or anxiety this is for you. Don’t get me wrong but I am about to break down some facts for you and don’t worry, these facts are not cliched. Before we proceed with this, let us just know that there are 50 million Pakistanis that are suffering from different mental illnesses, and, according to a WHO 2014 report only 400 trained psychiatrists are there to counter the ailment for a population as large as almost 190 million people.
What is even more sad than this is that we live in a society like Pakistan where there is a lack of awareness with respect to the existence of depression and ways to deal with it and that leads to the third most tragic fact, that is, lack of acceptance. What we as a society fail to realise is that mental illness is just like any other physical illness except for the fact that we cannot see the mental wound from our naked eye and we cannot touch it; so, it should be treated the same way as any physical injury is treated.
Now let us make is very clear that depression is one of the five stages of grief where it is a mood disorder characterised by intense feelings of sadness that persist beyond a few weeks. The feeling of grief can be result of anything. Symptoms may include disturbance of sleep, appetite and concentration.
Following are some things that you will often notice asking to yourself. My explanation for them do not by any means, have to be true because I myself am in the process of figuring out everything and to be honest I do not have much of motivation and positivity to give to anyone but let me try to share what I think I’ve experienced and my ways to deal with everything.
1) Why me?
I do not intend to burst your bubble but let’s just be honest we do not realise that we are different individuals in terms of our mental and physical characteristics yet we are pretty much alike and we all go through similar situations throughout the life. As put by Maya Angelou and quoted:
I note the obvious differences
Between each sort and type,
But we are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.
Timing and intensity of grief and anxiety may vary but it is not like you’re cursed and God has chosen you for the salvation, misery and rejection. We experience almost similar chain of events throughout our lifetime. We choose not to discuss and talk about our experiences with others so that makes us believe that everything and everyone else is just fine and only you’re in pain, which however is not the case.
There are a lot of people going through situations harder than yours. So, if they can make it through, you can also give it a try. Also, things happen for a reason. People for instance come into your life for a reason and to serve a purpose and once it is served, they leave. And this is only fair. Therefore, try not to be upset when people leave or when things change their discourse. Rather try taking it as an experience and learn a lesson because maybe whatever happened to you was meant to happen so that you step out of your comfort zone.
2) What is happening?
You will probably have erratic heartbeats, irregular breathing and hot flushes most of the times during the day. You might have sleepless nights and you probably have stopped sharing your anxiety with your friends because you’re tired of their annoyed faces and their ‘yaar I have heard this story please would you stop, attention seeker!’ attitude. You feel trapped inside your own body. You think there are tons of knots and ties in your head and you cannot seem to untie. You may find yourself struggling with being normal and act so and to drag attention to yourself. Well guess what, this is what exactly depression is and you need to accept it.
Do not live in the state of denial because that will only make you feel worse. By denying your problems, you’re actually going deeper towards false consciousness and numbness. Numbness if often caused by bottling up of emotions so what I suggest is either talk it out with someone you’re very close to and someone who you think empathizes with you. Or start keeping a journal and write anything and everything. Or paint/draw. Do anything that expresses your feelings. This way you will accept the problem and it will be much easier to address it then.
3) Can I even have depression? Aren’t I too young for it?
Depression has NOTHING to do with your age. Age is just a number. Anyone can be grieved about anything in any point in time during their lives and we need to realise this. Depression is a very valid and sensitive issue. People who suffer from depression and anxiety are NOT attention seekers. They do not have control over what and how they feel, so stop making them sound like so. If you’re surrounded by people who belittle you or your pain, get rid off them. There’s nothing wrong and right in depression. No intensity of grief or pain is validated or non-validated. And one can by no means measure the level of depression. So, do not fall for that.
4) Loug kya sochein ge?
‘Loug kya sochein ge agar ye bhi aap sochein ge tou wo kya sochein ge?’
Your problems and pain is not theirs, so they don’t know where you come from. Thus, it doesn’t really matter what they think. I understand that sometimes validation about yourself is important from others, but it shouldn’t bother you greatly. It is like you worrying about what people think if you have a cold or fever; useless as it sounds
And here are some things you should know:
· Positivity is crap
· People are shitty
· And they do not matter
· Stop expecting from people. They will only disappoint you
· Stop feeling apologetic about yourself
· Stop explaining yourself to others
· Surround yourself with people and activities that you like and enjoy
· Know that you’re not defined by your “depression” period
· Realise that we are in this together
· Realise that there are two possible outcomes for every situation. Either change it or accept it. Now it’s you who has to decide
· Avoid putting up your struggles on social media
· There’s nothing wrong with being depressed
· Depression is a phase or climate of your mind. It will come and go. Do not let it overcast or consume you
· YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE. So, do not let people or events have the power to control you
· At the end, it only gets better. And if it does not, then probably it’s not the end yet.