This year, I vowed to live a life less basic, by getting back to the basics. I’m making every effort to use my iPhone for only its essential purpose—and you should, too. Here’s how:
Delete Facebook and Twitter
I’ve read that the creators of these social-media platforms don’t even allow their own children to use them. I should strive to be more like those children by reinvesting in real social relationships.
Delete Instagram
I need to stop spending so much time encouraging these flagrant narcissists and take some time to encourage the narcissist in me.
Delete Tinder
Let’s face it; I’m a three—a four in ideal lighting.
Delete Lyft
I spend too much time going out with friends.
Delete Seamless
I spend too much time staying in by myself.
Delete MoviePass
Nobody deserves unfettered access to all of the hottest movie titles for only $9.95 per month!
Delete HQ Trivia
It makes me depressed when I get the third question wrong.
Delete Dictionary/Thesaurus
Needing an app to look up more interesting word choices makes me feel—what’s the word I’m looking for?—“bad.”
Reinstall Thesaurus
It makes me feel “inadequate.”
Now Delete Thesaurus
Reinstall MoviePass
I went to see “Death Wish” but couldn’t justify paying full price.
Now Delete MoviePass
Delete Maps
Stop telling me which direction to walk in to get home! It’s my life and I’m free to roam this city without worrying about efficiency, being on time, or where tolls are. I want to explore the city, my city—what city am I in? I don’t know. I am lost.
Reinstall Maps
I’m in Hoboken.
Now Delete Maps
Install Airbnb
I spend the night in a modest little Hoboken one-bedroom with a decent rating. The mattress is soft and I peruse Facebook on my phone. I post a few original memes—O.K., yes, I’ve been using Facebook on mobile Safari even though I deleted the app.
Delete Airbnb
Delete Safari
Delete Meme Generator
Delete Weather
Who do I think I am, a meteorologist?!
Delete Calculator
Who do I think I am, a mathematician?!
Delete Calendar
Who do I think I am, some sort of calendar salesperson at a mall kiosk?!
Delete Flashlight
Time to turn off all the lights and go to sleep! New York may be “the city that never sleeps,” but I live in Hoboken now.
Delete Them All
And, once the iOS has returned to its native state, I will finally be able to do what Steve Jobs only ever dreamed of—listen to that preloaded U2 album, uninterrupted, from beginning to end.
