How to Make Pancakes

Wield your spatula with bravado using GQ's guide to the all-healing pancake (and two next-level variations from The Griddle Café's Jo Kimberly.)
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It has recently come to our attention that not all men know about the pancake. The pancake is the greatest tool in a man's arsenal. Some important attributes of the pancake:

  • Pancake preparation is as simple or complex as you want it to be
  • Pancake is fast, filling fare
  • Pancake absorbs the evil within after a boozy night
  • Pancake offends very few dietary restrictions
  • Pancake is an ideal vessel for syrup

And, most importantly:

  • Women might tell their friends about the amazing post-coital pancakes you made instead of that underwhelming mid-coital thing you did

Good pancakes erase all manner of sins, and you should always be prepared to make them at a moment’s notice. Here are instructions for wherever you’re at in your pancake journey.


The Emergency Pancake

Even if you’re totally incompetent in the kitchen, you too may revel in the power of the pancake. You can even put your store-bought pancake mix in a mason jar or a similar hipster vessel. This tricks people into thinking you are a Martha Stewart-type man instead of a Seamless VIP.

Ingredients:
Aunt Jemima Original Pancake and Waffle Mix, or whatever
Milk (3/4 cup)
Oil (1 tbsp.)
Egg (1)
Skillet—ideally a cast iron skillet or, if you’re a try-hard, a griddle
Big-ish Bowl
Syrup, because you’re not a fucking heathen

1. Heat your skillet or griddle. You’ll know it’s hot enough when you splash some water on there and it sizzles and disappears like sorcery.
2. Combine all the ingredients in your big-ish bowl and stir them together with a wire whisk or something that looks like a wire whisk. Don’t let hubris take over while you’re stirring—if you stir too much, the pancakes will be too tough. Leave the batter a little runny.
3. Grease your skillet/griddle. Throw a splash of oil on there (not butter—butter will burn and ruin everything) and move it around in the skillet.
4. It all hangs on this bit: pour ¼ cup (2-3 large spoonfuls) of batter into the skillet, using the back of a spoon to flatten things out a little bit.
5. Turn your pancake when the side facing you begins to bubble.
6. Oil the skillet again, if needed, and repeat forever.


Two Variations for the Fancy Man

If you mastered the Emergency Pancake and you're ready to take your breakfast game to the next level, you can add unexpected ingredients to the batter without any extra stress. The Griddle Café in Los Angeles deals in inventive, delicious pancakes, so we reached out to owner Jo Kimberly for some suggestions.

Jo Kimberly's "Barefoot and Hungry" Pancakes

Ingredients:
2 cups of your favorite pancake mix, prepared as instructed
8 ounces of store-bought trail mix (think nuts, coconut, chocolate—go crazy)
Whipped salted butter
Cinnamon
Brown sugar

* Each 1/2 cup batter makes a medium-sized pancake. If you like smaller pancakes, use 1/4 cup and halve each of the ingredients.

1. Preheat griddle to 375°F.
2. Pour 1/2 cup of pancake batter* for each pancake onto your lightly greased griddle.
3. Sprinkle 2 tbsp. (1 oz) of trail mix onto the surface of each pancake on the griddle.
4. Sprinkle cinnamon lightly over trail mix.
5. Wait a couple minutes until the batter has bubbles and the edges begin to dry.
6. Turn them over and cook until golden brown.
7. Top with 1 tbsp. butter, and sprinkle with brown sugar for extra sweetness.

Jo Kimberly's "Morning After" Pancakes

Ingredients:
2 cups of your favorite pancake mix, prepared as instructed
8 oz. Frosted Flakes
36 strawberries, cut into quarters
1 cup of your favorite vodka (vanilla-flavored vodka works best)
Powdered sugar
Whipped salted butter

1. Preheat griddle to 375°F.
2. Pour 1/2 cup of pancake batter onto the lightly greased griddle.
3. Sprinkle 2 tbsp. Frosted Flakes onto the surface of each pancake, while on the griddle.
4. Drizzle 1 oz. (a shot) of vodka over each pancake.
5. Drop 4 pieces of cut strawberries onto each pancake.
6. By now the batter should be bubbling and the edges will have begun to dry. Flip each pancake and cook until golden brown.
7. Remove from the griddle and sprinkle powdered sugar over each one.
8. Top each pancake with butter and strawberries right before you serve.

Eat the pancakes you have wrought with the gusto and pride of a wolf after the hunt, brother chef.