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So long, spiralisers ...
So long, spiralisers ... Photograph: clubfoto/Getty Images/iStockphoto
So long, spiralisers ... Photograph: clubfoto/Getty Images/iStockphoto

Courgette crisis: why the vegetable shortage will hit clean-eaters hardest

This article is more than 7 years old

Cold weather in Italy and Spain – as well as a rise in the popularity of spiralised courgetti – is sending prices soaring and leaving supermarket shelves empty

Name: Courgettes.

AKA: Zucchini, summer squash, baby marrow.

Stock: Dwindling.

I beg your pardon? The UK is in the midst of a dark and unprecedented courgette shortage.

That doesn’t sound likely. Oh, really? Did you know it is currently impossible to buy courgettes in three major cities in the UK?

Really? What’s your source? A bloke on Twitter.

And they wonder why people don’t trust journalists any more. But it is based in truth. A spate of poor weather in southern Spain – where most of the UK’s courgettes come from – has led to failed crops and a blip in the courgette supply chain.

It could be worse. At least we still have spinach and aubergines. I have some bad news for you. Spain’s output of those vegetables has been similarly compromised.

This is a disaster. I was planning to make courgetti with skinny bolognese for dinner tonight. Oh, you’re one of those.

One of what? One of those bloody clean-eating, carb-free weirdos. You never used to eat courgettes, did you, until some posh ninny with a cookbook convinced you to buy a spiraliser. Two years ago you wouldn’t have even noticed this courgette famine, and now it’s a disaster.

Well, how do you eat courgettes? Chopped up and boiled and put on a plate next to a sausage, like an adult.

Just tell me this famine is temporary. Well, temporary is a relative term, isn’t it?

What do you mean? Since there aren’t many courgettes around, the few that did make it are going for much more money at auction. Suppliers are thought to be making an extra euro for every kilo of courgettes they sell.

And? And when this price increase trickles down to the consumer, it is likely to put courgettes out of the reach of some shoppers. Think of it as a warm-up.

For what? For Brexit, when we all have to pay so much more for imported vegetables that we’ll all live on a diet of crisps and dirt, and die at the age of 36.

That’s all well and good, but can you recommend any useful courgetti alternatives? Try using pasta, you nimrod.

Do say: “There has never been a better time to start growing your own vegetables.”

Don’t say: “Can you spiralise linguine?”

More on this story

More on this story

  • Lettuce be thankful: UK salad fills the gap after Spanish vegetable crisis

  • Cauliflower prices slashed as UK's warm weather leads to glut

  • If EU workers go, will robots step in to pick and pack Britain’s dinners?

  • Coming soon: turnips are the new kale

  • Strawberry deals forever? British fruit in shops two months early

  • The supermarket food gamble may be up

  • Organic food sales soar as shoppers put quality before price

  • Tip of the iceberg: lettuce rationing widens to broccoli and cabbage

  • Veg crisis, what veg crisis? If we can’t have courgettes, then let us eat kale

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