Ivana Trump Says Ex-Husband Donald Trump Sexually 'Violated' Her

Donald Trump, GOP presidential candidate and fart-infused lump of raw meat, espouses all manner of opinions on rape, particularly regarding its supposed perpetrators. But he vehemently denies accusations that he sexually assaulted—perhaps raped—his now ex-wife, Ivana Trump.

According to The Daily Beast, Ivana Trump originally used the term “rape” to describe a vicious encounter with her ex-husband that took place in 1989. She has since tempered her language and issued the following—albeit elliptical—statement:

“[On] one occasion during 1989, Mr. Trump and I had marital relations in which he behaved very differently toward me than he had during our marriage. As a woman, I felt violated, as the love and tenderness, which he normally exhibited towards me, was absent. I referred to this as a ‘rape,’ but I do not want my words to be interpreted in a literal or criminal sense.”

In his book, Lost Tycoon: The Many Lives of Donald J. Trump, Harry Hurt III chronicles a ferocious assault in which Trump forcibly penetrates his wife after “[pulling] out fistfuls of hair from her scalp.” Ivana Trump’s statement appears at the start of Hurt’s book, but it was issued by Trump and his lawyers. The details, however murky, do not shine a favorable light on Mr. Trump.

But Michael Cohen, special counsel at The Trump Organization, sees no room for discussion: “You cannot rape your spouse,” he declares confidently, “And there’s very clear case law.”

Ah Michael, you are so wrong. Perhaps you refer to New York’s “marital rape exemption,” which has been mercifully obsolete since 1984. So if you do, you are gloriously out of touch…and still wrong.

In light of this glorious fuck up, editor of ThinkProgress Judd Legum suggests the following:

I would venture to say that Trump needs many things, and I won’t offend you by listing them here. We’ll just be generous and stick to the lawyer.