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Hugs are a great way to express affection. It shows that you care about a person and that you support that person through good times and bad. However, you want to hug your crush or your lover differently than you hug a friend or family member. Read on for some tips on the best ways to hug the people that you care about.

Method 1
Method 1 of 5:

Hugging a Crush

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  1. Smile and say some caring words or compliments. Make sure that they're expecting a hug. It can be awkward if you come up and hug someone out of the blue, especially in the city.[1]
    • Hugs often happen at celebratory events like birthday parties, graduations, or when two people are reunited after a long absence. that may be the right time to give someone a nice hug.
    • If you are taller, the shorter person's arms should be around your neck, and you should embrace them around the waist. Keep them in that position for no more than a couple seconds, and let go as soon as they do. Look them in the eyes when you separate and continue the conversation naturally.[2]
    • If you are shorter, put your arms behind the taller person's neck and press your chest lightly against their chest. Let go as soon as they do.[3]
    • Let your hug be warm and friendly, and don't make it linger too long—think of the way you would hug your little sister.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 5:

Hugging a Friend

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  1. Give your friend a genuine smile.
  2. [4]
    • Taller people: Close your eyes and think about how much you love your friend when hugging. Press as much as you feel without squishing your friend. Do not clap the person you're hugging on the shoulders. Some people think you don't like them if you do it that way.
    • Shorter people: Embrace strongly, and clap each other on the top of your backs. If you're having an emotional moment, hold the hug for a brief moment and do not clap each other's backs.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 5:

Hugging a Lover

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  1. The experience is just as romantic no matter who initiates the hug.[5] [6]
  2. Look your lover in the eyes and say, "I love you." If you want to tell them how much you care and how much you love spending every second together.
  3. Hug the person you love for as long as you want to.
    • Taller people: Carefully sliding both your hands down from their shoulders, put them on their waist and slide them around their lower back. Put your head on their shoulder and press them towards you for as long as you like.
    • Shorter people: Extend your arms toward your partner and wrap them around their neck and shoulders. Lean as close as possible and press your torso against theirs. In situations of extreme intimacy, interlocking your leg in theirs is appropriate.
    • If you want to, you can give them a small massage with your hands, and try to warm them. You can also lift them in the air and shift their weight towards you. When you separate, you can look into your lover's eyes, smile genuinely and, if the situation is fitting, kiss them like you mean it.
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Method 4
Method 4 of 5:

Hugging a Family Member

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  1. Approach your family member with kind feelings. Obviously, the feelings will not be the same as what you would feel for a crush, a lover or a close friend (unless you and your family members are also friends).[7] [8]
  2. Continuing to talk while hugging is okay. Where you place your hands is not important because the person you are hugging will not think it over too much. Press gently. You do not necessarily have to have hard contact. Stroke your hands quickly across the top of the other person's back. Smile when you let go.
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Method 5
Method 5 of 5:

Tips that Apply to Any Kind of Hug

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  1. If the person does not look like they are preparing to hug you, then you may want to back off.[9]
    • Take into account the culture around hugging where the person is from. People on the West coast may be more open to hugging people they don't know as well than people from the East coast.
  2. If either of you requested the hug, then make the person you are hugging feel safe. Act as though the two of you are the only people who matter at the moment.[10]
  3. The best way to judge how tightly or loosely to hug is to let whomever you're hugging indicate what they want by how hard they squeeze. If they are soft, be soft back; if they like bear hugs and squeeze tightly, hug back the same way.
  4. A hug is a powerful way to communicate that you care for another person as it can feel great and improve the other person's mood. Ending the hug too early may make both of you feel awkward.
  5. Know when to give a long, loving hug, especially if the person is feeling upset or down. If you feel comfortable, go along with it and hug until the other person lets go or loosens their hold.[11] [12]
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Community Q&A

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  • Question
    Why does hugging help us forget our sadness?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    Body to body contact releases endorphins or "happy hormones".
  • Question
    How do I hug a guy who's really shy?
    Community Answer
    Community Answer
    Wait for the right moment. The shy person will prefer if you hug him or her when you're alone, because he/she could feel embarrassed with other people around.
  • Question
    A total stranger started giving me a tight bear hug for 30 seconds while I put out my arm and hand to shake. Why did he do this?
    Tom De Backer
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Perhaps a cultural difference, or a personal preference. It can be awkward sometimes, especially when you don't expect it. Practice a few movements, such as putting an arm between you, or placing a hand on his chest to stop him hugging you next time. Remember, you have the right to stop anyone and everyone to touch you in any way without your permission. You can just tell him: "Hhey, no more of those hugs like last time, I didn't like it."
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Tips

  • Unless you have hugged the person before, do not hug without asking first. In addition, use your best judgment in choosing when and where to hug someone. In certain situations, you might be embarrassed to be seen hugging someone else.
  • Hugging a lover should last at least a few seconds longer than platonic hugs
  • Girls like tight hugs so be sure to squeeze them a little, not too tight though!
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Warnings

  • Always ask before giving a hug. Some people don't want hugs or are sensitive to touch, or feel suffocated when receiving hugs.
  • Avoid a hug with a running start unless the person being hugged is aware you are about to give an embrace. The last thing you want to do is to knock the person over.
  • If you want to look into their eyes as you hug, gently place your arms around the back of their neck. Not too tightly or else you will hurt them.
  • Do not hug someone if you are sweaty or stinky. Also, make sure you have fresh breath before initiating close contact.
  • Some schools and other places might ban hugging because of the concern of inappropriate activities. This is something you might want to consider before giving someone a hug.[13]
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About This Article

Connell Barrett
Co-authored by:
Dating Coach
This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." This article has been viewed 2,638,042 times.
30 votes - 63%
Co-authors: 199
Updated: March 15, 2024
Views: 2,638,042
Categories: Affection
Article SummaryX

To give a great hug, make sure to hug only when the person seems prepared for your embrace and extends their arms. Next, hold the hug for a moment before letting go, or wait until the person loosens their hold, especially if they are upset and need comforting. Additionally, follow the other person’s lead to judge how tightly you should squeeze. For example, if they are hugging softly, hug back the same way, but if they like bear hugs, feel free to squeeze tightly. For more tips, like how to hug a crush or lover, read on!

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Reader Success Stories

  • Mel Eiley

    Mel Eiley

    Jul 10, 2016

    "I am a hugger myself and I enjoy the feeling it gives me and the reactions I get from family, friends and others. ..." more
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