‘I’m not coping’ (Picture: Mmuffin for Metro.co.uk)

When I asked my friends if they’re comfortable asking for help with their mental health, the general consensus was a big old nope.

The common theme that came up was that we’re all just in the habit of acting like everything’s OK, so as not to bother anyone else with our problems.

Clinical psychologist John Mayer says we often feel like we don’t deserve help, since we don’t view depression as the disease it is, and it warps our minds so that we can’t see the full impact of the illness.

‘It’s an insidious condition that makes it hard to see clearly what is going on.’ he says.

Of course this is exactly why we need to be honest about our symptoms in order to treat them effectively.

If you’re struggling with depression, there’s really nothing more important than opening up and saying how you feel.

I know I’m guilty of answering every ‘how are you?’ with a textbook ‘I’m fine’ without really acknowledging that my mood is at an all-time low.

Having depression can make you feel helpless, and those nearest and dearest to you are in the same boat, wondering how they can offer support and kindness when you need it most.

Here’s what to say instead of ‘I’m fine’ and get the help you really need.

‘I feel so lost, trapped and like everything is out of my control’

Emily Alice says this is what she’s often thinking deep down when she’s pretending everything’s hunky-dory.

Why not take a leaf out of her book and just say what’s on your mind?

There’s nothing more freeing than throwing your hands up and admitting that actually, you feel really unwell and could use some friendly advice.

‘Can you make my appointments?’

I personally find making phone calls and appointments a big barrier in my recovery, so getting my husband to help me manage the logistical aspect is always welcome.

If you’re not seeing your GP regularly then this is definitely worth talking about.

‘I’m not coping’

I find this particularly good when you need to express to your partner or your employers that you’ve taken on too much.

You may feel like it’s obvious to the world that you’re in mental distress but often everyone else is too busy getting on with their own work to notice, so use this as a conversation starter to manage your workload better.

‘Can we cancel going out and stay in instead?’

metro illustrations
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Sometimes all we need is to feel safe, comfortable and at ease.

Staying home and enjoying some good company instead of going out is great for that.

I spoke to counsellor Debra Allonby via the Counselling Directory who suggests saying:

‘I want to say I’m fine, but you know what? I’m really not’

Maybe you don’t know what to say, or what will make you feel better, and that’s OK.

Just admitting that you’re not feeling good is a stepping stone in the right direction.

‘Today is not a good day for me’

Debra says just opening up the conversation will lead to better understanding.

‘Just take your time and ask to sit with someone quietly while you begin to explain how you really feel,’ she says. ‘You matter and people care.’

‘Can you text me instead of calling?’

This is a huge deal for me.

Talking on the phone is a real trigger for my anxiety, which can then lead to low mood and a depressive period.

I also know I’m more tempted to say ‘I’m fine’ on a phone call because I’m nervous, but I can explain my feelings in more depth through text message.

Dipti Tait is a solution-focused hypnotherapist at The Cotswold Practice, who agrees that even social media can be helpful in this instance.

‘If you feel bad asking for help in a direct way, sometimes, it’s easier to reach out on social media by expressing your feelings on Facebook for example,’ she says.

‘And then it’s amazing how much support comes back to you.’

Dipti also says that although depression can often make you want to hide and retreat into yourself, try to make the most of having someone to talk to if you can.

‘Asking for help is hard when someone feels depressed and when you feel low all you want to do is hide,’ she says. ‘But instead of hiding, it would be great if you could say:

‘I would really benefit from some company’

***ILLUSTRATION REQUEST*** Why friendship is so important when life gets difficult
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

This can be a difficult thing to do, as depression often makes you want to be alone, but just spending an hour or so with a friend can help boost your mood.

You don’t even have to do anything other than sit and have a gossip and a cuppa.

‘Can you make sure I get up in time?’

The symptoms of depression are more physical than many of us realise, and a common problem is the need to sleep more than usual.

Worrying about sleeping in for work or GP appointments can be stressful, which can spiral into low mood and feed into the cycle of negative thinking.

So ask someone close to you if they are able to call you or come get you in the morning to make sure you get up on time.

This should help get you into a better sleep pattern and maintain a good routine in general.

‘I’m struggling to manage my self-care’

It’s a common misconception that self-care is all bubble baths, face masks and spa weekends.

Are you so depressed that you’re unable to shower, change your sheets or take your medication?

There are all basic acts of self-care that you need to manage in order to stay healthy.

Mum Amy says, ‘I was having a really low day and my friend came over and cooked dinner for me.

‘It was such a small gesture, but it really helped get me on the right track for the rest of the week and made me feel loved’

Don’t be afraid to ask for help with these tasks to aid your recovery.

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