There are plenty of studies on how to make your marriage work, but some of the best advice might just come from people who have been there—and know exactly what happened that made things go sour. BuzzFeed put together a video of divorcees giving their best marriage advice based on what they learned from their own failed marriages. It’s actually really sweet and thoughtful, and you can tell the people in the video wished they knew a lot of these tips going in. See for yourself:
The video is definitely worth watching (it’s really heartwarming, in a surprising way). But if you don’t have the time, here are the five main pointers from people who have loved and lost… and learned a thing or two along the way:
Know Yourself and Love Yourself
This first piece of advice is essential to having a good marriage, and multiple people in the video repeat some version of it. If you can’t love yourself you definitely can’t fully love someone else. Unfortunately, the fear of being single keeps a lot of us from taking the time to focus on our career or health or just having fun, but you’ll be a way more attractive mate and partner in your marriage when you do.
Communicate Carefully
Once you say it, you can’t take it back, so communication is key, one of the women in the video says. It’s a good idea to have an open line of dialogue so you can hash out important issues like money, kids and lifestyle, but if you aren’t totally on the same page, couple’s counseling is always an option. More and more married (and non-married) couples are trying it out with successful results.
Be Each Other’s Best Friend
While the hot and heavy honeymoon period of the relationship doesn’t last forever, a super close friendship will. Although chemistry is important, the best marriages are built on friendship.
Remember the Small Stuff
Who doesn’t want a surprise dinner when you land a promotion or a cute “I love you” text when you’re having a rough day? The little things can matter just as much as the big things in the long run.
Don’t Stop Having Sex
And the last tip is the kicker – never stop having sex. As one women in the video puts it, “if you’re keeping track of how often you have sex, you’re not having sex enough.” Studies have shown the secret to a long and happy marriage is sex, sex, sex. So if you need to turn things up a few degrees, here are the best sex toys for couples, and 6 moves for better sex.
