LYNCHBURG, VA—Astounded by the damning information, local anti-vaxxer Pete Dixon was reportedly horrified Thursday after discovering that every single American who got a smallpox vaccine in the 19th century was now deceased. “We’re expected to follow along blindly with the CDC, but if people would simply look to the history, they’d see that the thousands of people who were inoculated against smallpox in the 1800s have since dropped dead,” said Dixon, telling reporters that it was disgusting that the mainstream media had refused to share any stories about Americans who had taken the government-mandated vaccines, only to eventually perish from complications including respiratory failure, cancer, heart attack, stroke, or cholera. “They act like these shots are completely safe and tested, but I guarantee that future historians are going to look back on this time period centuries from now and discover that everyone who took the Covid vaccine is dead, too.” Dixon added that despite the media’s constant downplaying of alternative medicine, not a single person in the 19th century had died from ingesting ivermectin.