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'I'm sad all day': How tweens see life under quarantine, without friends or school

Michaela Chesin
Arizona Republic
Braxtyn Simmons, 11, draws a picture of her life before and after the pandemic.

Braxtyn Simmons should be at a soccer game, or on a summer vacation. Instead, like many of the other 10,11 and 12-year-olds in the hot Phoenix area, she’s been trying to find ways to pass the time. 

“Everybody thought that in 2019, 2020 was going to be the best year ever,” said the 11-year-old from her bedroom in Cave Creek.

“I’m just trying to figure out what I should do to keep myself actually alive, and not being bored,” she said.

While there are still a lot of experts don’t know about how COVID-19 affects children, Phoenix psychologists and psychiatrists say this place and time will have an immeasurable impact on society’s youngest members. 

“Our mantra is kids do well when their environment is consistent, reliable, safe, they know what’s coming, there’s structure,” said Dr. Funda Bachini, a psychiatrist at Phoenix Children’s Hospital. “A lot of that has been blocked.”

Kids were pulled out of school without much notice or understanding of what was happening to the world around them. As they start to return to classes, many are still unsure when they will go back in person or what normal will eventually look like.

They also have less of their own space at home with their parents and siblings. They miss their friends and their autonomy. They look forward to when they can kick a soccer ball, get confirmed in church or audition for the lead in the school play. 

The Arizona Republic sat down with some of the area's incoming 6th, 7th, and 8th graders to see what they were doing and how they were making sense of such strange and unfamiliar times. 

Braxtyn Simmons, 11

Cave Creek

Favorite hobby: Soccer

Brown-haired and blue-eyed and the middle-child of the Simmons clan, Braxtyn usually leads a busy life between soccer practices three times a week, Chinese immersion class and after-school hang-outs.

She was anticipating a summer with friends and spending her 11th birthday on her first cruise as she prepared for sixth grade in the fall. 

Instead, she has spent most of her days playing Roblox, a common thread among the preteens from Cave Creek, Gilbert, Buckeye, West Valley and North Central Phoenix. The free online program allows players to interact over a server in a series of different user-created games. 

Braxtyn Simmons, 11, remodeled her hamster’s cage during her free time in the COVID-19 pandemic.

“If (Roblox) shut down or something, I don’t know what I would do,” she said. 

Quarantine has changed a lot in Braxtyn’s life. School was harder without a classroom full of peers or face-to-face learning. Her extracurricular activities were halted. Being inside all the time, she admits she fights with her two brothers more often. The boredom has grown worse.

“All I had to do is be alone in my room and do online school that I didn’t like,” she said. “My sleep schedule got so messed up because I would be waking up at 12 and going to bed at 1 am, which is crazy.”

With the minimization of her routine and limited activities, she’s also been less physically active. 

“I gained quite a lot of weight from just not doing anything and sitting home. I haven’t been (playing) soccer” she said. She misses that the most. 

Braxtyn Simmons, 11,  tried out new recipes during her free time in the COVID-19 pandemic.

Nonetheless, she’s worked to stay proactive. She switched rooms with her brother, remodeled her pet hamster Coco’s cage, tried new recipes, and learned “to do a lot of random stuff that doesn’t matter in life, like fold a towel right,” she said.

She is worried about when this will all end and when everything will go back to normal. Will she even recognize her friends?

“Now that we’re in sixth grade, I know that they’re going to change like a lot because I haven’t seen them at all. They’re going to start changing, growing taller. It’s just going to be weird because a lot of people at school are probably going through puberty,” Braxtyn said.

“I’m going to be like ‘what’s going on? Who are these people? I haven’t grown at all.”

Psychological effects of the virus

Incoming middle-schooler Raegan Neal rested her head on her mother’s shoulder as her mom talked about the challenges she has seen her daughter go through in recent weeks, including a couple of emotional breakdowns since the pandemic started.

“When I talk to her about it, she’s had a higher level of anxiety, worried about the next school year, worried about seeing her friends. She’s also expressed concern about the structure,” Veronica Neal said.

Veronica is a special education teacher at Raegan’s school in Goodyear, which is part of a large charter network in the area. 

“Me being a parent, I’m like, 'well, I want to be able to provide that structure,'" she said. "I’ve tried to give that to her and her brothers as much as I can. But it’s just difficult.”

Veronica and her husband are both working full-time from home. Veronica had to ask to shave off three hours of her workday so she could better assist her kids with school. During the summer break, she created a study space for her kids so they would be better prepared for the coming online school year.

Raegan and Veronica Neal at 2019 Girl Scouts’ Christmas Party.

Bachini said the effects of this experience on children will largely depend on the resources available to any given child. 

“Some kids that are from higher socioeconomic status, whose parents have the time, the ability and the luxury of sitting down and reading with them and doing these enrichment activities, to home school. Those kids are actually progressing faster than they would have otherwise,” she said.

On the flip side, kids in families struggling to make rent, who cannot pay bills and whose parents must work could fall behind academically and socially. School once offered a way of identifying students that were struggling at home, from development or abuse. Without it, some are at greater risk, she said.

“The other thing we’re seeing at the Arizona local level is behavioral health services have changed,” she said. Where patients would go see their therapist or psychiatrist, they no longer do and in many cases, are no longer getting the services they need.

Current research has compared the pandemic and the economic downturn with it to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, with a generation of young people bearing the brunt of long-term psychological damage. Research suggested children exposed to the devastation of Katrina were more likely to suffer emotional disturbances than other kids, even years later. Uneven recovery among children was also linked to existing social disadvantages like poverty and race. 

Bachini cited the same sentiment, for kids with social disadvantages, pre-existing mental health conditions and adverse childhood experiences. 

“This is a really unique circumstance. With school shutting down, there’s been a decrease in socialization opportunities for kids. Part of school is academic, but a part of school is social and emotional growth,” Bachini said.

“There's all these trickle-down effects that are happening,” she said. 

Yet despite the setting, all children can face an increased risk in behavioral health issues, anxiety and depression. That's because there’s no way parents can hide the shifts happening in the world.

“Parents feel like if ‘I don’t bring it up, my kid is not going to know about it',” Bachini said. “Your kid knows about it. There’s a lot going on.”

She said anxiety in kids can present itself in different ways depending on their developmental age. 

“What we see commonly is a regression. So kids who were potty-trained are now having accidents. Eight-year-olds that were sleeping on their own, now want to sleep with mom and dad,” Bachini said. Anxiety can also manifest in headaches and stomach aches, she said.

Young people in the preteen age group are old enough to understand the ramifications that something bad might happen to them or their family. They are also struggling with their social-emotional development, said Arizona child psychologist Stephanie Vitanza. 

“This is a time when kids are turning into teenagers or tweens. And so we know that 80 or 85% of their focus when they're a teenager is on their social relationships and their peers. And that's a big part of development,” Vitanza said. 

While these developmental shifts are occurring, these 11, 12, and 13-year-olds are not having contact with their peers, an even bigger reason for some kids’ anxiety and stress. This age group often copes through heightened isolation and computer games, she said.

“They’re wanting to just try and have some sort of connection,” she said.

In doing that she said these kids are more likely to stay in their room, not listen or follow directions well and sometimes act out behaviorally. She recommends parents manage screen time, encourage outside activities and ask questions about what they’re seeing on social media. 

“We want to be open and honest about worries or fears. But we want to be calm and reassuring," she said. "The calmer we are, the calmer they will be.”

Raegan Neal, 11

Buckeye

Favorite hobby: Playing Roblox and spending time with her dog, Toto

Raegan Neal,11, draws her life before and after the pandemic.

Raegan walked through a play-by-play of an ordinary day in her world. She gets up around 1 p.m. and goes downstairs to watch YouTube on her tablet. She might make something for breakfast, but normally she doesn’t. When her tablet battery runs low, she turns it off and lies on the couch to watch more YouTube or TV. She eats lunch. After that, it’s either more TV or playing Roblox with friends.

On days it’s not too hot, she goes outside and jumps on the trampoline her parents installed. 

“It’s just getting really boring. I don’t know what to do,” she said. “I can really just say I’m sad all day.” 

It’s not only her, Raegan said. Toto has also been more tired and depressed lately. 

Even though she can communicate with her friends on Messenger Kids and Roblox, she misses playing with them and seeing them every day. She even misses school, particularly history class.

“The only thing I don’t miss about school is math,” she said.

Raegan said when it rained, she was able to play outside for a little. She liked that but then had to come back inside, where the monotony continued. 

Raegan is starting middle school this fall and she presumes this transition will feel different online. When everything first changed, she didn’t know what to think. Her teachers didn’t say a word about coronavirus. This was just how things were going to go from now on.

Raegan was looking forward to going on the end-of-year fifth grade trip like her brother got to do or get a celebratory fifth-grade breakfast. Her brother’s class got to eat an Oreo Cheesecake, she said. 

“Since our school closed, we didn’t get to do that,” she said. 

Kingston Boyd, 12 

Phoenix 

Favorite Hobby: Basketball

Cadence Ryan, 13

Phoenix

Favorite Hobby: Cross Stitching

Cadence Ryan, 13, draws the pandemic in her perspective through emojis, her favorite thing to draw and cross-stitch.

Kingston and Cadence both attended summer camp in Madison School District. The camp that was usually filled with kids was a lot emptier this summer, as it was intended only for kids whose parents had to work during the pandemic.

Cadence has been going to summer camp there as long as she can remember, “like preschool.” 

For Kingston, it’s his first year. 

Yet for both of them, even while camp was in session, surrounded by kids their age, nothing felt normal with masks on, safety procedures, and activities outside the usual.

“The camp is definitely way different wearing these masks all the time, and washing everything when we touch and when we eat,” Cadence said. 

When COVID-19 first hit, Kingston said people would talk about it like a joke, teasing about hand-sanitizer or toilet paper. 

Over time, it became less funny.

Cadence Ryan,13, has been learning how to cross-stitch during the pandemic

He often wonders what he would be doing if the disease wasn’t a thing. He wishes he could do the fun things he usually did in the summer, like going to water parks, pools and the zoo. 

Cadence, the oldest at the camp this summer, said all of her usual friends don’t come for obvious reasons, and as the oldest, she felt the responsibility to keep everyone in line.

“We’re all just crazy during this time,” she said. “Delaney is one of my friends. She just keeps me calm. She helps me because she’s crazy too.”

Kingston said while he is bored right now, he’s learning things, like that “a lot of people have trouble staying in one space for a really long time,” he said. 

Cadence said she’s noticed tensions are higher this summer. People seem on edge.

For her, it’s hard to know how to decipher her everyday interactions. Should she hug family members she sees? Should she see her friends? She’s noticed everyone has different reactions toward the virus and that it affects everyone in a different way.

“Everybody’s riled up about things and they get upset,” Cadence said. She gave an example of a resident at the place where her grandparents live getting upset about having to wear masks and yelling about how the masks were stupid and everyone was just lying. 

“I think that everybody’s doing their best to help people. Some people aren’t appreciating the way that they’re trying to help,” she said. “But not everybody thinks the same way.”

She said the virus has affected her because it made her more considerate of what others are going through. And while she has been talking to people less, she is realizing she’s more independent now than she was before. 


ShyLynn Hertell, 12

Buckeye

Favorite Hobby: Singing and acting 

ShyLynn Hertell, 12, draws out her thoughts during the COVID-19 pandemic

ShyLynn Hertel, who is usually part of singing and acting groups at school, has started making TikToks during quarantine as an alternative to watching them or streaming shows on Netflix. 

“It’s just like a way to be creative and express yourself,” she said. She would scroll through the short-video platform to laugh, smile, or see other kids take on the “Stranger Things” fandom. 

Prior to the pandemic, Shylynn wanted a break. She was even relieved when she heard spring break was extended and then later that she was going to have a longer summer vacation. But as more time passed, it wasn’t what she thought it was going to be. 

She misses having her own space and having mall adventures with her friends from school, but she said the pandemic is showing the other things she can learn, like painting and drawing. 

“It shows that you can do more than live your everyday life. You can be pushed to do things that you didn’t think that you’d be able to do,” she said. 

ShyLynn Hertell, 12, demonstrating an ordinary day during the coronavirus pandemic.

Larry Kerby, a parenting expert and coach in the valley, said during this pandemic two things are always at play: “You’ve got the one side of the parent, then you have the mental health side of the child,” he said. With everything going on, he empathizes with parents who are overwhelmed and grappling with issues of wanting to control. 

“Whenever we’re feeling a lack of control, we try and take control, a lot of times in unhealthy ways,” he said. “A big battle I’m seeing, especially with parents, is how do I fulfill their needs for certainty, control, and connection?” 

Kerby tells parents it's important to let kids make choices about their day, from the kind of work they prioritize, to what they do on their break. He said these choices can help fill that need for control that many kids lost with their days as the pandemic started. 

He suggests caregivers could schedule a “Jedi Council meeting” in order to negotiate with their kids and make it a space where their concerns can be heard and addressed. 

He said he’s seen some families he works with go from one Jedi Council meeting a week to two or three. This guarantees kids walk away feeling like their voice is heard in their family. 

“I want kids to feel human. I want them to feel like it’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be upset. It’s what we do with it that makes the difference,” he said. 

Kerby said he has seen a lot of parents and teachers interact with children in largely two ways: a “get-over-it” mentality or giving so much empathy to the child that it almost fuels the fire. He said it’s important, instead, to strike a balance between being empathetic but also not trying to fix the emotions kids are feeling. 

“Sometimes kids just need to sit in the moment they're experiencing knowing that you're loving them and you're there for them,” he said.

Moving on from here

Emerson Rhodes said her parents have tried to make the most of this time, taking her and her twin brother to swimming holes, hiking, and on short trips to Sedona and Flagstaff. 

Still, the pandemic is on her mind. 

“It’s definitely hard with the coronavirus. My grandparents found out they had it about two weeks ago," she said. "That’s been really hard, to have an experience where you know someone who has it.” 

She said it’s hard to talk to them on the phone since they have a bad cough and their body shakes, making it hard for them to stay on for long. 

“I sent a letter today,” she said. Inside, she drew a picture of them and wrote a message: that she hopes they get better soon and that she can hug them again. 

Karen Tsai is an internal medicine physician based in Los Angeles. When the pandemic started, she became involved by starting a non-profit organization, Donate PPE, aimed at donating protective equipment to hospitals and health care workers in and outside the United States.

Tsai said as the need for PPE in health care facilities has minimized, the organization shifted to providing PPE for schools. 

“At that time, I started realizing that children were kind of kept out of the whole COVID piece,” she said. Tsai said in the rush to triage patients and scrambling on the medical front lines, children got neglected. 

She said at first the pandemic was a surprise, but as the weeks have dragged on, staying inside, not seeing friends or going back to school has become a “new normal.” She said there’s a huge need for mental health awareness and resources. 

Cover Image of the book “Monster Dance," written by Madeleine Editions founder, Eva Lou and illustrated by Guy Gilchrist.

“I realized children really needed resources during this time to help familiarize the new norm of what’s happening.”

Tsai is helping children grasp this new reality through a picture book titled “Monster Dance”, illustrated by Guy Gilcrest, best known for drawing “The Muppets.” He also created coloring book illustrations intended for children to better understand what’s happening. 

The book centers on a young girl named Charlie and her dog, Maurice, and how they cope with a world full of monsters. The book touches on how kids can go about facing their fears. 

“With this virus that is going on, we can’t see. We can’t visualize. We can’t touch. It’s not tangible. It’s so microscopic. So how do we go about that?” she asked.

“In the book, Charlie and Maurice realize that one of the best ways to go about facing their fears is basically to be courageous, be patient and make the best of a situation,” she said. “I really encourage children it is a very difficult time, but at the same time too, you can make the best of what is.”

With each “Monster Dance” book sold, three medical-grade masks will be donated to health care workers fighting COVID-19 around the world. Madeleine Editions will also donate copies of the book to children’s hospitals and charities.

Emerson Rhodes, 11

Ahwatukee Foothills

Favorite hobby: Swimming and running 

Emerson Rhodes, 11, of what 2020 looks like.

When Emerson’s dad first told her about the virus, she thought it was no big deal. 

“Then it got bigger and then people started talking about it at school. And I was like, 'maybe this is a bigger thing, but it’s not going to get that bad.' Then school closed down and it got more serious,” she said. She never thought it would get to the point where it is now.

“There’s like 3,000 new cases every day,” she said. 

While there have been disappointments, like starting middle school online or no longer being able to ice skate, she understands that a lot of it is for the better.

“I know what we have to do under the circumstances of what's happening right now,” she said. 

She said that, while it’s really hard right now, positive things will come. 

“Everyone has changed their frame of thought, or frame of mind through this because, like, everyone always used to take school for granted and now everyone all of a sudden misses it because it's not here anymore,” she said. “I’ve learned to be thankful for what I have. I’ve seen how this has affected other people and we have it better than most people do.”

Emerson said this experience has shown her the tragic and unfair parts of the world, but from that, there’s a lot being learned. 

“I think that we can grow from this because we know what not to repeat,” she said. 

Resources for struggling kids

Bachini recommends parents or teachers help kids create books or journals documenting how they are feeling, or turn to other forms of activity, such as creating a time capsule as a constructive outlet. There are also guided meditation apps, or free activities hosted online.

“This is a defining moment in their lives,” she said. “When kids 50 years from now are teaching history, this will be a thing they write about.” 

If mental health becomes more serious in a child, Dr. Bachini recommends caregivers to reach out to their primary physician 

For more resources parents or kids can also visit: 

American Academy of Pediatrics— list of avenues of support for children and families 

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry— a list of avenues of support for children and families 

Childline — a UK resource providing avenues of support and messenger boards

You can reach Michaela Chesin at mchesin@gannett.com or follow her on Twitter @caeli_chesin