Eva Echo
Eva underwent facial feminisation surgery in August this year (Picture: Marco Richards)

As a society, we’re conditioned to try and reassure people, whether we believe what we’re saying or not.

But telling somebody they look ‘fine as they are’, particularly a trans individual contemplating surgery, definitely isn’t OK. In fact, it’s deeply unhelpful.

I came out as trans in the spring of 2017. I was a bag of nerves as I stood in front of my partner Pippa when I blurted out, ‘I think there’s something wrong with me…’

Pippa simply shrugged, told me she had always suspected and has supported me on my journey ever since.

But when I decided to undergo facial feminisation surgery in August this year, the reaction from friends and acquaintances was mixed and startling.

They typically went along the lines of: ‘You don’t need to change your face, I think you’re beautiful as you are,’ or ‘There’s no need to change your body, we still love you.’ Others even said ‘You just need to accept yourself. Once you do, you’ll be happy.’

Eva Echo and partner
Eva and her partner Pippa before the surgery (Picture: Marco Richards)

I understand where people are coming from. If you don’t know what to say, you pick the most polite, reassuring answer and just say it. It’s a quick way to absolve yourself of any guilt without getting too involved.

You come across as caring, and you can feel satisfied that you’ve done your bit. You’re not a bad human.

I’m sure I’m not the only one on the receiving end of these lectures about choosing self-acceptance over physical surgery, but they’re empty words that solve nothing. And the only person they help is the person saying them. Sadly, these caring phrases can come from those closest to us.

Plastic surgery isn’t for everybody – I get that. But if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, start asking yourself how I see myself.

The people who do take the time to ask me about surgery have been pleasantly surprised as to the reasons behind my choices.

In the same way no one chooses to be trans, no one chooses to put themselves through the physical pain and long periods of recovery associated with surgery.

But being transgender and being ‘passable’ is a huge thing for me, because it also means acceptance. Not all trans people feel ‘passing’ is necessary, but they are a minority.

Eva Echo post-surgery
Eva immediately after the surgery (Picture: Marco Richards)

I’ve connected with so many trans people – both male and female – through my blog and Instagram account, and nearly all place a huge emphasis on passing. To be accepted and to be left to get on with our day. Not being stared at, no sniggers or laughs when out in public and, in some cases, no violence.

My surgery was done by a pioneer of transgender surgery, who has also appeared on the ITV documentary series Transformation Street.

I had brow contouring to create a more feminine forehead and I had fat transferred from my stomach to my cheeks. In time, I’m also hoping to access gender affirmation surgery through the NHS.

I’m not doing this for somebody else – I’m doing this so I can start to love myself, so that I can finally feel comfortable in my own body.

And it’s important that people question the reasoning and the thought-process behind a decision for a trans person to have surgery of any description.

Ask yourself this: Would you say the same thing to a woman who cannot conceive naturally and who’s choosing to undergo IVF? ‘Just accept who you are and move on…?’

In many ways, it’s a similar scenario to the comments I received when I developed an eating disorder at the end of my teens. Telling me to ‘just eat something’ isn’t going to magically fix the way I feel deep down inside.

The greatest change since my surgery has actually been an internal one. I’m more confident about my face, I feel more at peace and my mental state is calmer.

Thousands of people telling you that you look ‘amazing’ may have no effect – but one person saying you’re ugly will stick with you forever.

Especially if that one person is you.

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