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5 Tips For Navigating Difficult Conversations

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What are your best tips for navigating difficult conversations? originally appeared on Quora: the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world. 

Answer by Ximena Vengoechea, Author of Listen Like You Mean It, on Quora: 

  • Pick the right location. Somewhere with enough privacy but not deafeningly quiet, which can be hard to be vulnerable in.
  • Remove distractions like devices, pets, kids. Don’t make an already hard thing harder.
  • In hierarchical relationships, if you’re in a position of power, model vulnerability and encourage the same. This helps to create a safe space. (I used to struggle with this, too.) If you’re not in the position of power, focus on the other person’s humanity rather than title or status — this helps even the playing field and makes others more approachable.
  • Be aware of your hotspots so you can better manage them in real time. Hotspots are sensitivities that can be activated in conversation. When hotspots are activated, emotions tend to get in the way of hearing others. They may be related to taboo topics like religion and politics, or unique-to-you trigger points like Mother’s day (if you have a difficult relationship with a parent), the first day of school (if you moved around a lot as a kid), etc. They usually stem from deep seated beliefs and values, and memories and emotional experiences. In conversation, it’s important to be able to recognize them when they surface, label them to mitigate their power over you, and hit pause if you can’t control them. If someone or something sets you off, you’ll notice because your body will tense up and it will be difficult to hear others. If that happens, ask to pause, take a bio break, and take deep breaths before returning to the conversation.
  • Expect discomfort and sit in it. Difficult conversations are just that — difficult. It’s okay if they’re uncomfortable. Simply notice the discomfort when it surfaces and embrace it instead of running away from it.

This question originally appeared on Quora - the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world.

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