WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—An apologetic Kamala Harris told Donald J. Trump on Monday that she will be unable to provide him with a certified copy of her birth certificate in the absence of a fully functioning postal service.
“In order to obtain a copy of my birth certificate, I have to send a letter to the California Department of Public Health,” she said. “That is really tricky to do without a mailbox.”
If the C.D.P.H. somehow receives her letter, Senator Harris said, “it will then have to mail my birth certificate back to me—again, a difficult task if there is no mail.”
Harris informed Trump that, if by some miracle she were to receive her birth certificate in the mail, “I would then have to mail it to you. Again, not easy.”
The senator said that she was “deeply sorry” that the United States Postal Service’s funding problems would make getting her birth certificate to Trump so challenging.
“I know that the question of my birth has been a cause of great distress to you,” she said. “I would do anything to ease your mind about this issue.”
She concluded her letter by saying that she was unsure whether her letter would ever arrive.
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