How to Shop for Clothes When You're Gender-Nonconforming

"Finding clothes is increasingly difficult when your gender identity doesn’t necessarily match up with the body the world thinks it should."
Two models wear PREMME clothing
Krystina Archer for premme.us

I was eight the first time I convinced my mother to buy me jeans from the boys’ section. I told her boys’ jeans were in style at the time, and that I had been teased for wearing jeans that didn’t cover my shoes. When she agreed to this purchase, it felt like a triumph; like I had tricked everyone.

Back then, the word used to describe me was “tomboy” — an affiliation my parents and teachers assumed I would grow out of. But even as I grew older, I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of wanting to be one of the boys, which began to manifest not only in my clothing choices, but how I felt about my body as well.

When I discovered the term “nonbinary,” it felt like slipping on a pair of jeans I’d owned forever — comfortable and suited perfectly to me. But as I started to explore this identity with my fashion choices, feeling suddenly free from the obligation to perform femininity, I faced a different problem: Fitting into pants from the boys’ section as an adult was no longer as easy as it was when I was eight years old. My role models for androgynous fashion — David Bowie, Tilda Swinton, and Harry Styles — are all thin, white, and (relatively) flat-chested. I am none of those things.

So, I resorted to sticking with things “made for women,” which at least worked better for my body. But not only am I uncomfortable in these clothes a lot of the time — I’m also not sending the right signals into the world about who I am, and I feel alienated from the queer community as a result. The process of finding clothes is increasingly difficult when your gender identity doesn’t necessarily match up with the body the world thinks it should.

Shopping can be a special kind of hell for gender-nonconforming and trans people. We’re often left feeling uncomfortable choosing a dressing room in brick-and-mortar stores, and disappointed when those stores offer nothing affirming or properly sized for us to even attempt to try on to begin with. But there are ways to work around these issues and make fashion work for us. These are a few tips and strategies that have helped me to revamp my wardrobe.

 

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Shop Online

The beauty of online shopping is that you don’t actually have to talk to a person, which is ideal for trans people and introverts alike. Because it’s become such an essential part of retail, most online shops now have chat-based customer service, which means you don’t have to identify yourself or your gender. The other great part of online shopping is that you can check the company’s Instagram for customer photos to see how their pieces fit on different types of bodies — and to see how they’re styling pieces too. Take time to measure yourself so you can compare your measurements with each store’s size guide before you buy clothes.

With that said, maybe you want someone else’s advice, or maybe you need a little bit of style expertise. Shopping online does remove the ability to see how garments truly fit on your body before purchase, and doesn't allow you to perform a fashion show for your best friend while you decide what to buy. When you’re shopping online, you’re mostly on your own. Even measurement charts can leave us wondering, Is this shirt going to fit over my boobs? Will it still fit when I wear my binder? How do I convert “feminine” sizes into “masculine” sizes, and vice versa? No shopping experience is 100 percent foolproof, but it can be fun to try new methods to find what makes you most comfortable.

 

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Find Brands That Carry a Wide Range of Sizes

Major retailers like Zara, H&M, and Abercrombie have introduced gender-neutral ranges over the past few years, to varying degrees of success. But a major problem with the big retailer approach is that trans and gender-nonconforming people still have to deal with the very limited size range of XS-XL. Many smaller brands are working to fill those gaps.

Brands like Kirrin Finch, Premme, VEEA, Radimo, FLAVNT, and Big Bud Press all produce stylish clothes that fit a wider range of body types. And knowing that many of these brands are run by gender-nonconforming people makes all the difference when it comes to fit and customer service.

The process of building a more gender-affirming wardrobe is exactly that — a process. Incorporating pieces one by one into your existing collection will help you learn how to style yourself in a way that doesn’t feel as overwhelming as a complete overhaul, and looking to brands created by gender-nonconforming people alleviates the pain of never seeing yourself reflected in fashion.

Tip: Get creative by cutting, sewing, and patching your existing clothes to experiment with new styles!

 

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Find Stores That Have Gender-Neutral Fitting Rooms

Stores with gender-neutral fitting rooms are few and far between, but as the conversation around gender evolves in mainstream media, it seems that more and more companies, from Wildfang to Target, are enacting policies to make trans and gender-nonconforming patrons feel welcome. For people who have been made to feel uncomfortable in gendered fitting rooms, these changes in policy eliminate the stress of having to choose a dressing room, and having to potentially out ourselves in doing so.

 

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Get Garments Tailored and Altered

Sometimes we find clothes that we really love, but we have to make adjustments to get them properly fitted — especially when it comes to formalwear. Getting clothes altered can be an expensive process, and finding a tailor who understands trans experiences, bodies, and gender dysphoria can feel like finding a needle in a haystack.

Rae Tutera of Bindle & Keep, Brooklyn’s bespoke tailor that has intentionally created a welcoming space for all genders and bodies, faced many challenges in finding formalwear before starting the company. “The fundamental issue is when people try to find a suit, they’re finding hypermasc and hyperfemme silhouettes. Suits are not the most complicated garment, so there’s not that much that you can really change in terms of design. But when you go into traditional suits, small changes like jacket length and functional pockets can make a big difference.” Tutera notes that defining what “masc” and “femme” mean on a client’s terms is essential, and that gender is not a problem to be solved, but is simply about “honoring what’s there” in addition to the wishes of each individual person.

For those having trouble with alterations, Tutera suggests bringing visual aids to demonstrate the style, look, and fit you may be looking for. Don’t be afraid to bring celebrity photos with you! And if you’re not interested in getting measured by a tailor, have a family member or a friend take your measurements at home and bring them with you for reference.

 

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