Why following rules is dangerous to your career

We understand why most people hide in the safe, quiet corners of life. When you see the tarring and feathering nonconformists get for following their vision, it’s tempting to say, “Hard pass, I’ll do what the boss tells me.” It’s a law of nature: Defy conventional wisdom and you get kicked in the teeth, even by one time admirers.

Just ask bell hooks, the award-winning author, professor, and activist. Born Gloria Jean Watkins into segregationist Kentucky and expected to step into her role as a submissive Black woman, she defied the traditionalists, speaking publicly at a young age about racism and sexism. When an elder compared her to her sharp-tongued grandmother Bell Hooks, she adopted her grandmother’s name as her nom de plume. However, she used the name exclusively in lower case form, because she didn’t want her identity as a woman to pull people’s attention from her words and ideas.

Researchers Zhen Zhang and Richard D. Arvey found that successful entrepreneurs tend to be rule breakers, boundary pushers, and nonconformists all the way back to adolescence. That can’t come as a surprise. It’s always been clear that blind conformity stifles innovative thinking, and entrepreneurs are people who carve out their own paths through life. Instead, we have other questions. Given what we know about conformity, why don’t more aspiring innovators and entrepreneurs flip the bird to the rules? Also, why is conformity always a one-way ticket to Mediocreville?

Finally, we have some of the answers.

Two kinds of rules

When we were working on our book, Rare Breed, we spent months talking to people who made it their life’s work to kick the bejesus out of rules. We realized that our interviewees weren’t breaking rules so much as shattering norms. In flipping the bird to expectations about gender, artistic freedom, age, or market forces, they were intentionally contradicting conventional wisdom about how to behave or pursue their goals, and they were better and happier for it.

Rules are legalistic codes designed to define the nature and scope of human actions. Following rules is the price of admission to civilized society. We have to pay our taxes, obey parking signs, follow building codes, or have a license to practice law or medicine. Norms are different. They are unspoken, fiercely enforced tribal codes that have no legal weight behind them but levy severe rebukes for defiance. Norms define what’s acceptable and unacceptable, done and “not done,” according to different groups or subcultures.

Norms are like schoolyard bullies. Confront them and you often find that they are just impotent, flailing snowflakes, but confronting them is terrifying because of the threat of being ridiculed and ostracized by the tribe. Most of us don’t follow norms because they help us reach our goals or achieve our dreams, but because we fear the scorn and rejection of parents, colleagues, mentors, and friends.

Rare Breeds disregard norms in favor of their own vision. But how are they able to do it when so many others cower in fear? The answer: People who defy norms have an unshakable belief in their personal narrative that’s stronger than their fear of ridicule or being outcast.

In other words, they have a stunningly clear sense of how their story needs to play out, and they refuse to accept being a minor character in a story written by someone else. No matter how many people discourage them or get in their way, they’ll keep writing their own story. People who don’t have that overpowering vision of a unique narrative back down in the face of societal pressures and surrender to norms.

The conformist paradox

Nonconformists in every field have one thing in common: agency, which is the freedom to make choices that determine their future outcomes. Conformity drains our purpose and blunts our impact because it denies us agency. People who obey norms, mindlessly or reluctantly, follow a path set by someone else, usually for no other reason than, “It’s the way it’s always been done.” They might have a vision of doing or being something more, but they’ll never realize it. They’re too busy dodging disapproval and the judgment that comes with failure.

Conformity is safe, but whoever said we were here to be safe? Ron McNair grew up in 1950s South Carolina, in an era when Black people weren’t even allowed in libraries. But at age nine, dreaming of space, he walked to his local library to check out books on science and astronomy. When the white librarian told him to leave, he politely refused and waited for the police to come. When the officers arrived, they told the librarian to give Ron the books. He went on to graduate from North Carolina A&T State University, earn a PhD in physics from MIT, and eventually be accepted into NASA’s astronaut program.

In business and career, navigating conformity is even more dangerous because of the Conformism Paradox. If you’re a wild-eyed rebel with daring ideas and a damn-the-rules streak, you risk being marginalized, not necessarily because of your ideas, but because your presence is a daily reminder to the people around you—most of whom are barely treading water in the mainstream—that they lack the guts to follow your path. That includes your superiors, who probably had your dangerous, go-your-own-way spirit once but had it beaten out of them by relentless corporate orthodoxy.

On the other hand, if you’re just another foot soldier doing what you’re told, afraid to express an original thought, you cripple your value and strangle your future. Could you become a district manager? Sure. But an astronaut or a world-changing climate activist? Nope. That’s the paradox. They claim to covet rule breakers and risk-takers, but they shun the personality traits that come with them. They know they need innovation and nerve to move the ball down the field. But in practice, they fear nonconformity because it fills them with envy and regret, and risks inspiring others to question the rules, potentially reducing the ranks of loyal, do-anything foot soldiers. As we’re seeing with the Great Resignation, when workers begin to push back against “the way we do things around here,” the consequences for employers can be dire.

The solution to the paradox

So, we’re all stuck, right? No. The solution to the Conformism Paradox is to choose nonconformity and accept the consequences. Think of it in terms of game theory. Behind Door #1 is a bold, disruptive choice that might alienate friends and could even get you fired. But at the same time, you get to express your true self, write your own narrative, and create opportunities by making the first move. Scary, but exhilarating.

Behind Door #2 . . . well, if you’re an entrepreneur, it’s barely worth considering. That’s the path of least resistance, where someone else writes your story and determines your opportunities and your worth. When one option presents potential risk and potential great reward and the other offers the mummification of mediocrity, is it even a choice?

Annabelle Roberts runs Present Perfect, a small Paris-based communications training company that after COVID had to convert all its programs to an online platform. But when people she knew started quitting their jobs en masse, she panicked. If her small company lost even part of its staff, they were done for. So she did something we’d never heard of: she told her people they could design their own compensation package. Salary, bonuses, time off, work from home—whatever it was, each employee was free to name their price. Crazy as it was, the plan worked! Roberts’s staff stayed, and the quality of work soared.

Choosing to buck conventional thinking opens doors that rule following never will. It gives you the initiative, surprises competitors, pressure tests new ideas, and attracts talented mavericks. So, how to navigate the paradox? There are a few new—pardon the term—rules to guide you:

• Don’t wait until you’re ready. There is no perfect time to stop being a sheep. Don’t tie it to a certain date, having a new job offer, having enough money in the bank, etc. Just take a deep breath and do it.
• There’s no “nonconformist gene.” When people say things like, “I wish I had what it takes to do my own thing,” we want to shake them. Violating norms and writing your own story isn’t something you’re born with, like perfect pitch. It’s a choice, and the more you choose to be unconventional, the easier it gets.
• Keep rules that work for you. Not all rules are necessarily bad. Anything that helps bring you closer to your goals is worth saving.
• Don’t catastrophize. Many rule breakers are terrified of what their friends and colleagues will say when they finally “come out” as a wild-eyed nonconformist challenging the system. But you might be surprised. Sure, some people will resent you, but more will admire and support you than you might think.
• Nonconformity can be quiet. There’s this belief that being “true” to the rebellious entrepreneur’s creed means being abrasive and setting the place on fire. Not so. You can oppose norms and do your own thing quietly and effectively without making anyone feel bad.
• Don’t ask for permission. Finally, just do it. Act. Fortune favors the brave. If you make a bold choice, even if things go a little sideways, at least you’ll have started a conversation. Don’t risk getting shut down over asking, “Mother, may I?”

Sunny Bonnell and Ashleigh Hansberger are founders of Motto and authors of Rare Breed: A Guide to Success for the Defiant, Dangerous, and Different.