Like any group of people, the transgender community is comprised of individuals with their own separate and distinct lens, worldview, belief system, principles and goals. It is a good thing to want to know more about the transgender community, and efforts to that end are commendable. However, the asking of questions must be tempered. Inappropriate, misguided or poorly timed questions can cause discomfort and angst that could easily be avoided. It is essential that the pursuit of additional information or understanding not result in a person feeling like the “other.”
If you want to better understand transgender individuals, the onus is on you to seek out the information that you desire. The onus is also on you to do so in a way that is not uncomfortable, intrusive, or unnecessarily provocative. One way that you can do this is to refrain from asking a transgender person to answer questions about their transgender experience, or the transgender community as a whole unless they have made it clear that they are open to such discussions. It is not the responsibility of your transgender colleague to educate you. It is your responsibility to educate yourself.
It is also important not to expect one person to speak on behalf of an entire people group. This mistake happens relatively often, and when it does, people expect one transgender person to somehow speak for the whole of the transgender community. What do transgender people think about this? What do transgender people think about that? How do transgender people feel about this? How do transgender people feel about that? And sometimes, people do something that is not quite as blatant but is just as harmful. They'll ask a transgender individual their perspective on a matter and then take that person's response and generalize it to the entire people group. For example, you ask a transgender person how they feel about the bathroom debate. The transgender person offers their opinion (which is likely an artifact of their personal experiences). You listen intently and thank them for sharing. And then you walk away feeling like you now know how transgender people feel about the bathroom debate. The truth of the matter is, you don’t. One transgender person cannot speak for all transgender people any more than one African-American person can speak for all African-American people, or one Christian person can speak for all Christian people. Plainly stated, transgender people are not homogeneous.
All that being said, it is important to give thought to how we approach the asking of questions. What better way to answer the question of how best to ask questions then to ask additional questions? But not just any questions, instead there are five specific questions: Who? What? When? Where? Why? More specifically: Who should I ask? What should I ask? When should I ask? Where should I ask? And why should I ask?
Recall that if you want to know more about the transgender population (or any population for that matter), it is best to seek information from groups of individuals as opposed to a single person. It is much better to utilize resources that reflect the voice of many than to ask one person to speak for many. Assuming the above is understood; let’s move on to answering the five questions.
Who should I ask
The Experts
If you are seeking to provide a more inclusive workplace environment the first step should be to seek the assistance of a transgender inclusion consultant or subject matter expert. It is imperative that you obtain your information from reputable sources. If your budget will not allow for the services of a consultant or subject matter expert there are online resources that you may find helpful. For example, the Human Rights Campaign has a Trans Toolkit for Employers that you can review on your own.
The Committee
If your company has an Employee Resource Group (ERG) that is dedicated to the LGBTQ+ community, that has the potential to be a great place to get your questions answered. Please bear in mind, however, that ERGs that are meant to serve the LGBTQ+ community may be stacked pretty heavily with individuals that identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual. And may not have very much representation (if any) of individuals that identify as transgender.
The Employee
To be clear, as an employer, failure to seek an understanding of the transgender experience is unacceptable. It is equally unacceptable to place the responsibility on transgender employees to teach you all that you need to know. It is far better to utilize best practices on a broad scale and to customize the experience as necessary for individual employees. That being said, if there are questions that you have about how you can make the experience of a specific employee more comfortable asking those questions can be beneficial, provided the questions are themselves appropriate. The appropriateness of questions is discussed further below.
What should I ask
Question: What types of questions should I ask my transgender employees?
Answer: Only ask questions that are directly relevant to their work and their work conditions.
You should not ask questions that are not directly related to the employee’s ability to fulfill the duties of their job. It is important that you be thoughtful in your asking of questions. Self-reflection is paramount. It is essential that you not utilize your employees to quench your curiosity on a subject. If you are curious about something, look it up, or seek out an expert (see above). Do not utilize your employees or co-workers to that end. If you are not sure if a question is necessary and/or relevant ask yourself the following: Does this have to do with their ability to perform their job? Am I asking about them specifically or am I asking them to explain an abstract construct to me? If I am asking about them specifically, am I asking about something that directly affects their ability to do their job? If I am asking about an abstract construct, is it actually relevant to the job at hand? Is this something that I could easily find out myself? Am I just trying to make small talk? These are just some of the questions that can be used to ascertain whether or not a question is necessary and/or helpful.
When should I ask
Question: When should I ask my transgender employee a question?
Answer: The moment you realize that there may be aspects of the work environment that are not conducive to a sense of belonging.
In some cases, you do not know that something is wrong or that someone is unhappy until they speak up and say something. In other instances, you remain unaware until someone (other than the person that is being directly impacted) brings it to your attention. Still, there are other times in which no one has pulled you aside and mentioned a concern but you have simply noticed that someone appears to be uncomfortable or you notice that the way a situation is currently being handled has the potential to cause someone to feel singled-out or unwelcome. If any of these situations arise it is imperative that you act as soon as possible to identify the source of the problem and take clear and decisive steps to correct for it. Do not make the mistake of failing to prioritize the creation of an affirming space because no one is actively complaining. As the saying goes, “the best defense is a strong offense.” Oftentimes, formal complaints, grievances and even litigation can be avoided by simply identifying the problem and correcting it before matters escalate.
Where should I ask
Question: Where should I ask my transgender employee a question?
Answer: As with any other question that may be construed as personal in nature it is best not to ask with an audience (unless of course, it is Human Resources).
This point is a bit tricky. It is tricky for a couple of reasons. Please understand that the response to this question assumes that the question is itself appropriate to be asked. If it is an appropriate question i.e., “Is there anything we can do to make our environment more supportive and affirming?” then it is not likely to cause offense, but the absence of offense does not necessarily guarantee the absence of embarrassment. Some individuals embarrass easily and asking a question that may highlight the fact that they are in some way different may embarrass them or cause them to be uncomfortable. For this reason, it is often best to ask such questions privately. Most situations do not necessitate the presence of an audience. You may find that your employee or coworker is more candid in their response if they are talking to you one-on-one. If the question is highly personal you should ask yourself if it is in fact a necessary question (see the previous section). If you feel that it is in fact a necessary question but you feel uncomfortable asking the question it may be a sign that an audience is in fact appropriate. In that case, it may be wise to have another person with you. One person is enough in most instances. The presence of multiple individuals can change the dynamic of the exchange in a significant way. If you are unsure who you should have present, Human Resources is a great place to start.
Why should I ask
Question: Why should I ask my transgender employee a question?
Answer: You are actively working to create a space that is both inclusive and affirming.
This point should go without saying. Sadly, that is not always the case. So, to be clear, questions should be asked because the answers to those questions will help you to better foster an environment that individuals actually want to work in. Belonging is important. Representation is important. Having a seat at the table is important. Having a voice to accompany that seat is important. Feeling heard when you use your voice is important. Actually being heard when you use your voice is important. Feeling valued is important. Actually being valued is important. Being tolerated is important but there is something higher than that. Being accepted is important but there is something higher than that. Being appreciated is important but there is something higher than that. Being celebrated is important. May every work environment be one that celebrates their employees, appreciates their differences, accepts their similarities (but strives for something deeper) and tolerates the need of everyone to know and be known as their authentic self.
